Difficult Conditions: Rewrite Your Life Script

We humans are social beings. Thus, we will not be able to have a healthy life unless we have connections to other people. We begin to socialize with others during childhood, and become part of social groups that change and grow over time. Being part of a social group leads to all kinds of relationships, including difficult relationships.

Who has not had a difficult relationship with a partner, a family member or a friend? Although it is easy to think that these people are just obstacles in our lives, it is actually more productive to think of them as challenges.

There is no way around the fact that life is a long challenge. As it progresses, you will need to deal with several stages, cycles, and conditions. When people create connections to each other, each with their own baggage, personality, temperament, circumstances and dreams, it is like an ambitious psycho-chemical experiment. Even if you always hope to get along with others, it will not be like that.

Sparks of fire

When you start a relationship with someone, whether it is romantic, professional or platonic, you feel a kind of spark. This connection makes you feel alive, loved, admired and respected. Sometimes, however, this spark can turn into flames.

Sometimes it seems like there is nothing you can do about a difficult relationship. Tension builds up and leads to defensive attitudes and arguments.

Another way to deal with difficult situations

In books and movies, each protagonist has his own dynamic personality, which is sensitive to the development of the plot. Situations arise and conflicts take place, usually provoked by the antagonist. The antagonists will usually challenge the protagonist’s perspective. They force them into situations that require them to use their best resources and skills.

Life is not so different. Be the main character in your own life and see if you can recognize who the antagonists are. What challenges do they represent? How can you overcome these obstacles and become a better person?

Victims or heroes in difficult conditions

There are always two ways to choose from when dealing with a difficult relationship. You may feel sorry for yourself and pretend to be the victim, or you may try to find a solution that gives you strength. It’s not about confronting your antagonist. Instead, it is about taking a closer look at your own behavior to try to figure out what led to this situation in the first place.

Uncertainty is not helpful when it comes to dealing with difficult situations. To begin the journey as the hero or heroine, you must begin with appreciation and self-respect. Simple sentences like “if you keep talking to me that way, I’m going to leave here” reflect a powerful and courageous attitude. Your antagonists usually have power over you because they attack you right where it hurts the most.

Understanding your reactions

A very important part of your psychological development is to understand, heal and change your responses to emotional wounds. Many therapists believe that you unknowingly attract people who have your parents’ best and worst qualities.

There is a reason for this. This is an unconscious reaction to a deep-seated need you have to solve problems that you could not solve with your parents. Many struggle to gain the admiration and respect of critical and strict parents.

If you notice that your difficult relationship repeats a pattern of authoritarian characters, your antagonists may represent a dominant parent who was never happy with you.

Therapists often use this protagonist / antagonist toy to help their patients with personal development. It is a personal exercise where you find both your own character and your antagonist. Unlike stories in books and movies, however, your antagonists will not be demonic or truly evil people. They are usually just like you, with their own fears, their own hopes, their own feelings, and their own acquired behaviors. They are fragile and weak, just like everyone else.

The teachers of patience

If you decide to take the hero or heroine’s path to deal with your difficult relationship, you will begin to look at your antagonists as your teachers. You will believe that they are there to help you learn patience, bravery, devotion and flexibility, among other things.

In fact, you can use these difficult conditions to improve your character and your emotional well-being. If you work on these things, you will be able to develop and improve areas that are dormant. You will also rediscover forgotten and ignored resources.

Powerful questions

Personal trainers use many powerful questions to help their clients. When dealing with difficult situations, you may ask yourself some questions. They will help you discover the capacity of your judgment.

If you were to write a book about your life, analyze the characters that would appear along the way. Ask yourself who the antagonists are  and what makes them so challenging. Ask yourself why you chose these particular people. Usually the antagonist helps the protagonist to develop and improve in some way.

Another good question is what abilities or virtues it is that can help you with your difficult relationship. During a coaching or therapy session, some of the virtues that the therapist often talks about are self-confidence, resilience, bravery, compassion, patience, and self-awareness.

If you are willing to be the author of your own story, maybe you should start by sitting down and writing about the script. Observe the situations in your life and your difficult relationships from the perspective of someone watching from the outside. This can help you understand what is happening and give you some tips on how to solve the problem.