Disobedient Children: 5 Strategies

Raising children is challenging for parents on so many levels. Deciding to have children is an exciting and beautiful experience, but also filled with uncertainty. It is impossible to predict everything that will happen, because each child is unique. If you are new as a parent (or have been for a while), you know that much of it can be handled with the right resources. However, if you are dealing with particularly disobedient children, the challenges can often seem insurmountable.

Rebellious and disobedient children will be more determined in their behavior if you do not address the issues early. Unfortunately, there is no magic formula that will make your child start following rules and behaving perfectly from one day to the next. Nevertheless, psychologists have some advice for reshaping the situation and redirecting difficult behavior. In today’s article we will share some of the most important.

Disobedience in children

Before trying to solve the problem, it is important to identify if your child is struggling with disobedience or if it is just a phase. During development, children go through many different stages, and some of them involve rebellion and resisting the parents.

From about 15 months to three years, children are in the “no” phase. During this period, the children almost systematically challenge everything the parents say.

This is certainly frustrating, but it is an important part of children’s social development. They learn that their answers affect the environment, which helps them develop their independence and strengthen their character. The best way to handle this stage is to be patient and understanding. Offering the child more choices when it comes to making decisions can help him feel in control and curb negative reactions.

If this early stage is not handled properly, real disobedience begins to show at the age of two or three. Disobedient children are those who consistently refuse to follow rules and show a certain hostility towards parents or other authority figures.

Some parents believe that this behavior will disappear as the child grows, but the opposite is often true. If you do not address this, children can grow into teenagers with dissociative behavior problems.

How to deal with disobedient children

Disobedience is best addressed as early as possible. If you can intervene during the “no” phase, everything will be easier later. In that phase, experts believe that a calm attitude is best. Try to find a balance somewhere between being permissive and strict.

If the problem persists after two or three years, try the following strategies:

1. Motivate your child

Disobedient children do not enjoy being disobedient. The problem is that they may not know any other way of behaving, or may not understand the benefits of behaving differently. You need to find a way to motivate them to behave properly. Help them understand that everyone will benefit from it if they do, and that there are other ways to express themselves.

Years of research have found that the best way to raise children is with a balance between discipline and love. Carefully explain the problems that arise when the child behaves like this and come up with an action plan that involves everyone. This approach helps children better understand why obedience and good communication are positive.

Act immediately, do not be discouraged

We know it’s complicated, but patience is the key to dealing with this behavior. Try to pick it up as soon as you can, do not sweep it away and think that you can “handle it later”. Ending up in a will fight with your child is neither productive nor healthy. If your child is disobedient, a good technique is to get down to the child’s height and explain to him in a calm but determined voice that you will not tolerate that reaction.

It is important to respond immediately, not hours or days later. When the moment is over, it will be much more complicated for the child to understand the consequences of their actions. This in turn makes it more difficult to link rules or instructions to a specific situation.

3. Establish routines

A key rule to avoid unexpected and disobedient behavior is to establish a clear routine. Sticking to a clear and coherent schedule each day helps your child emotionally prepare for the day’s activities. When children know what is coming, they feel safer. They want to understand what is happening around them, which encourages cooperation and balance in their behavior.

An unorganized routine, on the other hand, sends a signal that there is no structure, boundaries or rules. It makes children believe that no one expects anything from them, so they can do what they want at any time. In fact, it is possible for children to behave disobediently or rebelliously because they do not understand what their responsibilities are.

4. Set boundaries

Within this routine, you need to establish clear rules and boundaries. These should be clear guidelines that are relevant to the child’s developmental stage and possible to implement given the available resources. Your child should be able to understand them. If it does not, it will not be able to follow them. That is why it is so important to establish the rules when everyone is present. Explain and discuss clearly why the rule exists, expected behavior and what the benefits are.

The signals must be clear. It is useless to tell a child “do not do it” if you do not also teach them what the correct behavior is. For example, if you want them to stop playing and rather sit down for lunch, try something like: “It’s time to stop playing. Put the toy away and sit down at the table. ”

5. Avoid punishment and reinforce good behavior

For years, social scientists have questioned the usefulness of punishment. They have found that punishment often leads to more defiant and unwanted behavior because the child realizes that their disobedience is getting the attention of the adults. Using positive reinforcement and rewarding good behavior proves to be much more effective.

When your child is behaving properly, it is important to notice and explain why what he or she is doing is good. You do not have to give it material gifts or prizes. It is more than enough to communicate that you are happy with the behavior. A hug and a few nice words are all a child needs to want to repeat the situation.

Disobedience does not appear out of thin air

If you have a disobedient child to deal with, remember that there is a reason why it behaves this way. It does not do it because it is fun or because it likes to make your life difficult. The main reason for the child’s behavior may be that it is looking for ways to take part in the environment. Maybe it just needs to know what to expect from it and how to act.

That is why it is so important that the whole family gets involved in the process and that the lines of communication remain open. If you follow these strategies and things do not get better, you may want to consider having a professional help you navigate the process.