Do New Forms Of Communication Affect The Quality Of Our Relationships?

There is a truly unique quote by Peter Drucker that confronts today’s new forms of communication, “The most important thing in communication is to hear what is not being said.” But how do you know what is not said if you do not observe your interlocutor? How can you tell if it is communicative silence or silence because they are thinking of other things?

As Drucker confirms, in a conversation there are many gestures, movements and grimaces that are wordless, but that say a lot. On the other hand, with today’s new forms of communication, such as instant messaging or email, we lose these details. Does this affect the quality of our relationships?

New forms of communication

Without a doubt, new forms of communication are changing the way we see the world. What used to be a simple conversation between people, or at best a phone conversation, can now be a WhatsApp group, a comment on Facebook or a Twitter contribution of 140 characters. These are just a few examples.

So new technologies and their contribution are changing communication methods at a rapid pace. Face-to-face contact seems increasingly obsolete with each passing day. Despite the fact that these changes give us excellent advantages, as a faster and more practical form of communication, they also have their downsides. Is a WhatsApp conversation as effective as face to face?

According to David R. Olsen, a renowned cognitive psychologist, some factors must be considered. Communication is based on three actions: the locutionary, the illocutionary, and the perlocutionary.

A locus action means the production of sound, words and the meaning of a sentence. An illocutionary act is the power of the sentence. A perlocutionary action handles the effect produced by the sentence.

Here is an example:

• “Give it to her.” – Locational action.
• They advised me to give it to her. – Illocutionary action.
• They convinced me to give it to her. – Perlocutionary action.

The locus act is just the act of saying something. An illocutionary action can involve different uses of the same phrase, depending on how someone understands what is being said. For example, saying “I’m cold” may mean that you want the other person to close the window, lend their jacket, or just provide information about their physical condition.

A different communicative reality where the illocutionary action is lost

According to Olson, who believes that speech cannot be exactly transcribed into writing and reading,  the illocutionary action is lost. That is, only locus and perlocutionary actions remain.

Thus, relevant aspect of communication, such as the tone of the voice and its vibrations, is completely lost. It is true that we can use exclamation marks and even capital letters to “raise our voice”, but we can not interpret accent and intonation, relevant data that could indicate nervousness, anger, dissatisfaction…

This deficit in the illocutionary aspect of the conversation not only generates frustration and uncertainty for the recipient or recipients of the messages, but can also cause frustration for the person delivering them. You may have the feeling that something is missing for the other to understand you.

The peculiarities of the new forms of communication

Another peculiarity of these new forms of communication is when we talk to a stranger. We can not interpret what that person is like, since they are not in front of us. So it’s hard for us to get an idea of ​​what the other person is like.

We can not say that this point is more or less negative. It is simply different. What is certain is that a lot of closeness is lost and that the illocutionary action disappears completely. In fact,  it can even lead to assumptions about the real intentions of the person on the other side of the communication.

It is clear that virtual communication is not worse than traditional communication, it is simply different and will be good for different forms of use. Nowadays, we already have technology for video calling so that both those who talk can see each other.

When two people communicate via WhatsApp, or another method of instant messaging, it is an additional variable. If they already know each other well, then some of the illocutionary action may remain intact, so that the recipient can make more accurate interpretations.

Does today’s communication cause loneliness?

In reality, new forms of communication simply offer an extra way to converse. Does it tend to harm the quality of our communication? The truth is that technology makes it easier to hold conversations we would not otherwise have. However, it will always penalize the quality of these conversations.

Finally, research reveals that the growing sense of loneliness that occurs in today’s society has partly increased due to the use of certain media. We can see people on the screen, but it’s harder to feel close to them. With a video call, we can look them in the eye, but we can never hold them or touch them.

Use technology to communicate with someone who is far away, but not to talk to those close by. Take advantage of its benefits, but do not let the handicaps of technology harm your relationships.