Does The Style Of Attachment In Childhood Affect Romantic Relationships?

The attachment style in childhood is a variable that plays a crucial role in the establishment of healthy and balanced romantic relationships in adulthood. More couples therapists than ever come to the idea that the style of attachment in childhood has a great influence on your attachment style as an adult.

John Bowlby’s attachment theory defines attachment as the emotional connections you make with the people around you throughout your life. First, create them with your parents during childhood. Later, you do the same with other characters such as siblings, extended family, friends, and partners. The emotional connection you establish with your caregivers has a direct impact on how safe and protected you feel.

The level of security and confidence that you perceive from your parents determines the style of attachment in childhood. At the same time, the same attachment style can affect the kind of romantic relationship that you create as an adult.

Let’s look at the different types of attachment and how they affect romantic relationships.

The secure style of attachment in childhood: trusting and positive relationships

Security and trust form the basis for the secure style of attachment in childhood. The people who care for us are the ones who inspire those feelings.

In the secure attachment style, parents understand their emotional needs and respond to those needs. This dynamic makes young people feel loved and protected. It is a safe environment where they can express their feelings since it is a climate of trust. They can be themselves without fear of being rejected.

If the attachment figures encourage these two basic characteristics (security and self-confidence), then they will raise a child who is confident and trusts others. Your child will also have the ability to regulate their emotions and develop good social habits. This is how Rafael Guerrero, psychologist and director of Darwin Psychology Services , puts it:

They are more likely to trust their partner and avoid addiction problems. In addition, it will be easier for them to communicate well and identify the needs of others.

Avoidant attachment style: insecure and distant relationships

Children with this attachment style have been rejected by their parents and their needs were not adequately addressed.

Because their caregivers were not available, the relationship with the parents showed emotional distance and lack of accessibility. They were not there to support or help them when they needed it.

• They have learned to avoid emotional contact and intimacy with others. This is a result of being told that they can not trust their affiliates.
• They have trouble expressing emotions because they fear that they will be rejected or experience indifference. This is because they suffered in the same way when their parents took care of them.
• They end up forming a kind of invisible shield and build an apparent autonomy based on a set of strategies they have learned. They learned these strategies for fear of being rejected.

Romantic relationships with an evasive attachment style tend to be distant since one person feels that they can not really trust the other. They avoid emotional connections due to anxiety and fear for their partner and themselves. In addition to this, it is very difficult for them to ask for or receive help from others.

Avoidant attachment: unstable and dependent conditions

In evasive relationships, children have unstable parents. Sometimes they reject the children without any connection in the motives.

This kind of insecurity makes children with this style not explore the world because they do not know if their requirements will be met if they ask for help.

People with this attachment style are likely to develop emotional dependence, and they learn to live with fear and insecurity in relationships. They tend to have a negative self-image, low self-esteem and low sense of control over what is happening.

They are afraid of being abandoned and require a lot of attention. They need others to constantly show their love.

We can conclude that this explains the link between attachment styles and romantic relationships. The relationships you established with the first main characters in childhood seem to influence the type of partner you choose later in life. It also affects the types of relationships you create and the quality of the connection you have with those closest to you.