Feeling Protected Makes Us Happy

The desire and need to be protected is not always intense. Of course, these feelings are stronger when you are in a vulnerable position. For example, when you are sick or just moved to a new place. Basically, these feelings intensify when you have to face a situation that is inherently risky or unknown.

The basic need to be protected also increases if you are in a fragile emotional state. In moments of insecurity, desperation or anxiety, you feel a greater need for people and places that make you feel safe. Deep down, we can all identify with these feelings. But do you really cultivate and strengthen these protective bonds in your life?

The origin of feeling protected

In reality, being protected and feeling protected are two different things. Sometimes they go hand in hand, but sometimes they do not. Feeling protected implies a subjective security which means that you have the support you need to get out of a situation you can not handle on your own. Being protected is more concrete. It refers to the fact that theoretical support actually takes place.

Feeling protected is a comforting feeling. You experience it in the first years of your life, and it largely depends on your mother or whoever took her place. In the early stages of your life, you are imprinted with a shield or lack thereof.

Your mother’s presence, or the presence of an adult caring for you, makes you feel as if nothing bad could happen to you in the early years. But the truth is that anything can happen. But it does not feel that way.

The opposite is also true. If a person’s mother or caregiver is absent, the whole world seems threatening to them. That feeling attaches to them for the rest of their lives. It affects the way they relate to other people and the world as they get older.

Being protected: A matter of affiliation

When you grow up, you feel protected, you learn to trust others and yourself. As a result, it is easy to form close emotional bonds with other people. On the other hand, if you felt unprotected when you were little it will be difficult for you to become emotionally attached to other people.

This defenselessness can also make it difficult for you to know how to protect others. You either neglect to take care of others in this way, or you feel too much jealousy.

Along the same lines, it can lead you to set up a front against the world. This brave front is a replacement for the protection you never had. You look for non-threatening surroundings and hide there. It can be a job, an addiction, a romantic partner, which makes it possible to avoid feeling vulnerable and in danger. You feel safe there and that makes it hard to leave. However, the price is quite high.

Routines and protective conditions

Carrying the weight of always feeling vulnerable does not mean you have to be stuck there. There is enough you can do to change your situation. The first thing you need to do is be aware of this emptiness. Know that it makes you more prone to fear, insecurity and self-absorption. It takes courage to avoid being consumed by it, but it is possible.

You need to recognize the importance of creating protective bonds with other people. You must learn to give what you never had. Sometimes the best way is to learn by helping someone else. This is true when it comes to feeling protected. Learning to protect other people will probably help you feel less empty. Not only that, but you will surely get back from other people what you give to them.

If you felt vulnerable as a child, you probably have a lingering fear or feeling of being excluded and left out. To eradicate that feeling, you need to develop certain routines and habits that make you feel included. Being part of a stable group is great for making you feel safer in the world.

Isolating yourself and putting up a wall is not a good idea. It will not make you feel safer, and you will not feel protected when it comes down to it. On the contrary, your fears will increase. As scary as it is, you have to open the door and let the sun shine in.