How To Have Good Discussions With Your Partner?

The world of relationships can sometimes be a little complicated. It’s a social relationship where two people love each other, but they do not always agree on everything. However, they have to live together and are forced to try to reach an agreement in some way.

Discussing with your partner is not a strange or unusual situation, nor is it a symptom of a crisis. There are couples who do not have discussions, but where the relationship has been dead for a long time. And there are others who do just the opposite. They discuss relatively often. But at the same time, they are able to take care of other aspects that make them an extraordinarily healthy couple.

Now there are many ways to express our rights, interests or opinions. But most of the time we fall into the trap of trying to prove that we are right without thinking about the price we could eventually pay to actually win the discussion.

Why is it so hard to live together as a couple?

Among the couples who do not succeed, there are some patterns we can identify. These patterns, which characterize broken couples, are usually associated with ego or pride. Thanks to our pride, we often end up on the losing side, and we have to ask ourselves if it is really worth the fight.

Out of pride, we pull our claws to defend ourselves from an alleged threat. It is claimed that if we compare it with reality, we often find that there is no threat at all. We stand in front of the person we love and who loves us back.

We often interpret situations in a biased way and think that others are trying to harm us, so we act accordingly. We either choose to avoid the situation and not confront it, or we choose to attack the other person.

Deep within us, fear hides. The fear of not being accepted by the other person, of not being right, of not being recognized or taken into account, of not being important or special…

Another thing that makes living with your partner complicated is not knowing how to resolve conflicts properly. It requires a great deal of effort to reach an agreement that is beneficial to all parties involved. One reason that increases this perception of difficulty is the fear of remaining in a situation that does not favor us. And this can compromise our pride. We tend to use rage and anger in such a way that in the short term our personal integrity is ensured.

The problem is that in the long run we weigh ourselves down within the relationship, especially in romantic. Quarrels exhaust our partner to the point of exhaustion and boredom. They may even begin to fear for their partner or the quarrels they will have.

Blaming, always having to be right, exaggerated discussions and not knowing how to come to an agreement reduce the relationship. When we want to solve things, it is often too late.

We could compare this to a curly sheet. When we want to make it as smooth as it once was, we see that it is impossible. No matter how hard you try to smooth it out, you will always be able to see small creases that have been left behind as a result of the pressure you exerted on it.

So when is it good to discuss?

Discussions are a part of every normal couple’s relationship, and it is not practical for you to escape from them. Instead, keep in mind that your relationship may grow thanks to these discussions. As long as you know how to float with them and build under them.

Discussing or not is not as important as how you discuss. It means what you say to each other, how you say it, etc.

First of all, preserve love. You love the other person, never forget it. The other person did not just suddenly become our enemy, nor are they anyone who will harm us. Or at least it’s not common, and if you notice that this may be the case, just get out of it!

But if it is a normal couple’s discussion, keep the love, respectful words and caring. You can disagree with someone and still say things like: ” Dear, I do not see things that way” or “Beloved, sometimes I do not like that you do not help around the house” .

Show empathy. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, or try to think the way they want to think. It’s not about sympathizing with the way the other person sees things, but it’s about understanding why they see things the way they do. Understand that the other person has the right to think as they please, just as we do. And they have their reasons and motives for doing so. Understanding and benevolence will open your mind.

Express your point of view. We tend to judge the other person and start discussions with the word “you”. These are some typical phrases: ” You make me so angry”, “You do not even try”, “You are so lazy”. Let’s forget all about using the accusing finger, and let’s take responsibility for our feelings.

If I’m not feeling well, that’s my problem. This is because some thoughts go through my head, which upsets me. Therefore, the right way to express yourself is, “I feel” . For example: “I feel angry when I see that you do not pick up your clothes” .

Remember the meaning of non-verbal language. Everything we have mentioned must be done with the correct non-verbal language. It is not helpful to say “dear” with an ironic tone or to express an “I feel” while brushing your teeth. We are supposed to believe that. Therefore, it is best to stay relaxed, because we do not face the threat we thought we did. And relaxed means with a welcoming attitude, eye contact, a relaxed tone, etc.

Discussing “correctly” is about communicative intelligence, but also about self-control. If you add love to these ingredients, a discussion does not have to be a war. It does not have to make your relationship tremble.