Moonwalking: Criticism Followed By Being Accused Of Overreacting

Moonwalking is an English term for a sophisticated but effective psychological abuse technique that has the same purpose as gaslighting : to wear out the other person. It consists of criticizing something about your partner, making them lose it completely, and then blaming or ridiculing them for their reaction. It is an emotional blow just to get a response and be able to downplay it afterwards.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman are two therapists and psychologists who have done the most research on the effects of criticism on emotional relationships. They do not criticize a person’s right to complain. However, complaints are criticized when they are expressed in an accusatory way and with the intent to hurt.

There is usually an insulting personality behind those who constantly resort to criticism for weaving a web that can trap their partner in pain and confusion. Contempt is closely linked to criticism, and in general both dimensions together look like an effective resource for abuse.

Keep reading to find out more about what this striking mechanism of mental abuse is all about.

What exactly is moonwalking?

In fact, more terminology has emerged to label behavior in recent years, but it is useful because it helps simplify complex realities. When it comes to moonwalking , it was psychologist and author Viky Stark, a relationship expert, who coined the term in an article in Psychology Today last year.

She used the word with reference to Michael Jackson’s famous dance : Take a few steps forward and then back. In a way, this is what this type of psychic abuser does. They criticize their partner (move forward), expect a reaction, and then downplay the importance of what they said (move backwards) to accuse them.

In most cases, this mechanism of mental manipulation contains jokes and harmful sarcasm with which they try to hurt the partner’s self-esteem. An example of this is to say something like “You are as clumsy as a six-year-old, sometimes I feel like I’m still in kindergarten.” After this, and when they saw the other person’s reaction, they interrupted them and said, “Relax, I was just kidding!”

Moonwalking is a way of using criticism to make a person feel rejected, hurt and underestimated. Keep reading to find out more about the mechanisms it uses.

The sources of moonwalking

Every relationship has disagreements and conflicts from time to time. In fact, everything is part of a normal and even healthy relationship. This is because you can learn from these situations. In addition, many come out even stronger to know each other better. Disagreements add new skills and resources to move forward as a team.

However, those who refine the art of moonwalking do not seek to build. They mainly want to create an emotionally exhausting environment to weaken and control their partner. It’s a game of will. They use very sophisticated mental resources:

• First, they launch specific criticisms of facts and dimensions they know will hurt. For example, the fact that your partner has been striving for a promotion for a long time may be their focus. Or they will throw it in their face somehow if they know they are worried about a family member or friend.

After launching the criticism, the abuser will patiently wait for the partner’s reaction. This is because it will be the moment when they enter the second phase of moonwalking :

• They will tell you that you are too sensitive and exaggerate everything.

• They will point out that you are taking everything out of context.
• In the same way, as mentioned above, it is common for them to say that they are just kidding.
• They will also point out that you have misinterpreted their words and that you actually have a habit of being offended when you do not have to.
• Finally, and no less common, they will say that you are exaggerating everything again because you are paranoid.

Constant criticism affects your physical and mental health

Moonwalking is about continuous pursuit of criticism and contempt often accompanies. The negative impact of this form of psychological abuse is enormous. In fact, studies such as those conducted at the University of Pennsylvania point out that continuous criticism is especially detrimental to those suffering from an anxiety disorder.

In this situation , it is easy to drift into a depressed state. Research work such as that carried out by social psychologist Robert Alan Baron also reveals that this dimension affects concentration, the ability to perform at work and even motivation to relate to the environment.

Abuse has many forms, languages, mechanisms and strategies. Not all abuse is about physical beatings, shouting or insults. Some people often resort to attacks with words, contempt disguised as sarcasm and criticism that undermines resistance. Emotional snipers exist and above all seek to weaken in order to dominate.

Thus, you react in time and defend yourself. In other words, distance yourself from those who treat you badly and are not interested in your self-esteem and mental balance.