The Outcome For Children Of Demanding Parents

Parents want the best for their children. The problem, however, is when they become demanding parents. They do not understand that their children see their wishes as requirements, and they thus get a different result. This does not justify their behavior.

Many demanding parents had parents who were also demanding. Nothing was enough and it was not just about good grades at school. If they practiced a sport they were not good at, it was always a “but” or a “you could have done better”.

Since this is how they were raised, demanding parents believe that this is the way to go with their children as well. However, this parenting style can have some bad consequences.

Demanding parents are obsessed with perfection

Children of demanding parents always try to meet their parents’ expectations. When they think that nothing they do will ever be enough, the children begin to feel guilty. Unfortunately, children begin to demand too much of themselves, beyond their abilities or the resources at their disposal. This can lead to a lot of stress and anxiety.

According to the ANAR Foundation, for children and adolescents at risk, “A certain structure of the personality (self-demanding, the need for control, in search of perfection…) can lead to some eating disorders, such as anorexia or bulimia”.

If the parents of a child say to them, “It would be great if you get a 5 in math,” and when they get that grade, they say, “We knew you could do it. Now try to get a 5+ ”, this makes it complicated for the child. They begin to believe that their parents will never be completely proud or happy. Maybe not right away, but when the child gets a 6 and they ask for a 6, the child will eventually burst.

Parents want their children to do well in school, but when it comes to a vicious circle, where parents are never proud before the next big thing, this is a demanding environment that can lead to the disorders we mentioned earlier: anorexia and bulimia. However, this is not the only way children can react to demanding parents.

Parents who are never happy with a result

Children with demanding parents can break under pressure. According to Dr. Amy Bobrow, a clinical psychologist and professor, you need to “make sure you communicate with your child when you are proud because they did a great job. It is important to balance that. Otherwise it becomes ‘Why do you always bother and are always after me?’ ”.

Since nothing they ever do is enough, children can begin to show different attitudes. All personalities are different. However, in addition to the disturbances we mentioned above, these are some warning signs that will alert you when something is not working:

• A passive attitude that makes them seem like they do not care about anything. They feel sad, discouraged and keep their heads low. On the inside, they feel like a failure. This can lead to depression.
• Rebellious acts to annoy parents or start engaging in vandalism. They want to get attention.

There are many ways to behave. However, the child can not stay alert and they are always looking for recognition and trying to meet the parents’ expectations.

Sooner or later, they will end up getting depressed or just doing what their parents do not want them to do because they feel frustrated about it. The problem is that both reactions have bad consequences.

More often than not, this causes many children to quit school or stop playing a sport they used to love. They simply can no longer handle it. There is too much pressure. This is why, even though demanding parents only want the best for their children, they in most cases get the opposite result.