To Love Without Suffering: The Suffering That Sometimes Goes Hand In Hand With Love

Is it possible to love without suffering?

Love means to endure things, love means patience, love sometimes means suffering. Love means to give without measuring. This is what we say about love from a very young age. This causes pressure that at times leads us to a desperate search for a partner so as not to end up alone. If not, we will risk wasting our time.

Within all this talk about love, there is something no one ever talks to us about. Maybe it’s because no one believes it. And that is; to love without suffering is possible. In fact, this is the meaning of true love.

At times, this rush to find a partner, that we do not choose the right one. Our partner or boyfriend will only be the first and best person we find who is willing to take on this role. Furthermore, if you have very low self-esteem and do not give yourself the value you deserve, this catastrophic attitude is even more likely. Having a romantic partner is not the most important thing in the world. It is not synonymous with happiness. Sometimes it is actually a trial that is very difficult to bear.

To love without suffering: Why do people always hurt me?

I do not know if you have ever asked yourself this question, maybe you have. But you are wrong if you think that your illness is due to bad luck. You think that only the worst kind of people will come into your life or that they will never love you. Maybe the reason you always come across the same type of person is that you choose them or, at the very least, you let them in. Think about it. Have you ever rejected someone who really liked you?

Maybe you have a very low self-esteem, maybe you settle down with the first person who shows an interest in you. Either way, you can interpret the fact that you are hurting by thinking about how you are hurting yourself. Why not give yourself the value you really deserve? Why do you close your eyes when someone tells you how much they like you and dedicate beautiful words to you?

We should change this headline and rather write; “Why do I always hurt myself?” or: “Why do I always let others hurt me?”.

Love makes blind …

You probably have some experience with words lost in this oblivion. Words that have no connection with the actions that follow them. Words that enlighten you, that make you forget reality and that catch you in a dream. A dream where that person is the one you will spend the rest of your life with. The person who will make you happy. You would give everything for that person, you would be willing to fight for the relationship. But who said that love is not a constant struggle?

Giving everything to your relationship, while the other person gives it 25% at most, makes you doubt how they feel about you over time. You will be worn down, you will stop thinking about yourself. You will no longer take care of yourself, nor will you dress as you used to unless you are with that person. You will always be aware of them, you will always try to make them like you, to try to satisfy them… Do you ask yourself why people always end up hurting you?

Choose consciously, to love without suffering is possible

To love without without suffering is possible if you stop looking at your relationships as something logical or necessary. You need to stop thinking that love can be reduced to pain, effort, struggle, resistance and giving everything for one person. Because, in order to love without suffering, you must first know what you want. But above all, you must learn to be happy without anyone but yourself.

If you feel good and are happy on your own, then you are ready to be happy with someone else. Because you know that if they leave you or things do not work out, you will be ok and will continue to be happy. Because you were already happy before the person came into your life.

When you know what you want, you know your values, you have discovered the boundaries you do not want anyone to cross… that is when you can choose consciously. Think about whether the person who says the sweet words to you is really the one you want by your side. Let yourself be carried away by your emotions and incipient madness, but do not let yourself be fooled. Do not be filled with unrealistic expectations and hopes for the future. Do not think “well, he will change over time”. Choose someone based on the present, not based on how you think about them in the future.

You will probably think at first that you are too picky or demanding. Many people around you will tell you that if you continue this way, you will never find a partner. But if it does end up happening, you know you’ll be fine. Because having someone by your side is not an absolute prerequisite for being happy.

Finding a balance

We have ended up mixing love with possession, with suffering, with giving of ourselves… This beautiful feeling has become turbulent and at times it also means torment. We enter into relationships and give 100%, while the other person gives less than half. And then we expect them to change! We cling to them so hard that they begin to pull away to draw some air, and we become nervous and afraid that they will leave us.

Loving without suffering becomes possible when we learn to treat our partner as one who is independent of ourselves. As a person who has come into our lives but who can choose to leave or take some distance from us. Just as a friend or sibling can. Your life and your happiness can not depend on having someone by your side or not . F ordinate the only person you will be able to rely on in all your days, is none other than yourself.