What Is A Narcissistic Supply?

What exactly is narcissistic supply? Before we dive into that definition, let’s first analyze the concept of narcissism: What does it mean to be a narcissistic person?

The DSM-5 ( Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders ) defines narcissistic personality disorder as a dominant pattern of grandiosity (through idealization or behavior). Narcissists have a need for constant admiration from others and also lack the ability to show empathy. From the first years after reaching adulthood, in several different contexts, it manifests mainly as feelings of greatness, a belief that they are unique and special, as well as an excessive need to be admired by others.

It is worth noting that according to psychiatrist Otto Kernberg, narcissistic personality is a spectrum that goes from normal to pathological ( narcissistic personality disorder ). Therefore, not everyone who has narcissistic traits will suffer from this personality disorder. Instead, it depends on the degree of narcissistic personality traits a person displays.

Let us explain some of the aspects that need to be considered when looking at the narcissist and narcissistic supply.

The main goal of the narcissist is their well-being

Narcissists take advantage of the interpersonal relationships they have, which means they always get what they want from people without caring about how these people experience it, or feel about it. Their goal is their own well-being. Everyone else is just a tool for such individuals.

Basically, they do not care if their supply goes through a difficult period or if they need some space and time. Narcissists only think about meeting their own needs, even when it means ignoring or hindering the needs of others.

What exactly is narcissistic supply?

Narcissistic supply is a psychoanalytic concept that was first introduced by the Austrian psychoanalyst Otto Fenichel. He used the term to describe a type of admiration, interpersonal support or nourishment drawn by an individual from their environment, which becomes important for their self-esteem.

In this sense, by the author’s definition, narcissists need a person who can be their supply, a source of the things they cannot get on their own. This source of “commissions” becomes an extension of their self, or in other words a part of them.

For this reason, there are no clear boundaries between the narcissistic self and a narcissistic supply itself. This further means that the narcissist believes that the supply must feel, think and behave like them. In short, their narcissistic supply has no identity of its own. Instead, they exist only to please the narcissist.

Narcissists want to get reactions from people

In an article by Mitja Back, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , he makes a very interesting statement: “What attracts us to social partners is not necessarily what makes us happy in long-term relationships. Although narcissists have the bright, charming side, it is often only a matter of time before the storm clouds appear . In short, there are two distinct trait dimensions: narcissistic grandiosity and vulnerability (or reactivity) ” .

In other words, narcissists are likely to show their more charming side to get what they want, and if people do not behave as they expect, they will show their “uglier” side. When they finally get what they want, they can behave disinterested, distant or angry.

The changes in their attitude aim to trigger a reaction from the other person; a reaction that makes them behave as the narcissist expects. For example, if they arrange a meeting with someone on a certain day, and the other person can not reach the agreement anyway, the narcissist can be removed because they did not get what they wanted from the other person. Their own needs are always more important than other people.

Are you a narcissistic supply?

Sometimes the people used as a narcissistic supply are not aware of what is happening. Therefore, if you suspect that you or someone you know is a victim of a narcissist, it is wise to ask yourself the following questions:

Maybe you want to realize if you are a narcissistic supply by asking yourself these questions. If you feel that your needs are not as important as theirs, it is possible that you may want to set some boundaries with this person, and start protecting yourself from any form of abuse. Do not forget that you and your needs are equally important.