What Is Causing A 30-year Crisis?

“Do not let life pass in front of your eyes!”, “When are you getting married?”, “Are you planning to have children?”, “People your age should”. Anyone approaching thirty has probably heard things like this far too many times. It seems that people have more and more expectations the closer they get to their thirtieth birthday. And it is easy to develop more doubts, fears and worries with them, which sometimes causes a so-called 30-year crisis.

Society paints the ideal life for people who reach thirty such as having a house, a stable relationship, a stable and exciting job, Caribbean vacations and children. This ideal, created by social conditions, is presented as if it were a checklist for a successful and happy life.

It is clear that a 30-year crisis has much more to do with social and cultural pressure than actually turning 30. Most of us do not meet these expectations, which creates anxiety and frustration at not doing what we “should” do , even if that’s not what we really want.

By now, I should have…

What a short but horrible sentence. All of these “should” statements are an expression of social pressure. They portray common steps taken on the path of life as absolutely obligatory. Complete them and you are an admirable or successful person. Do not do that and you are doomed to be thought of as weird or confused.

Most of these goals are related to achievement and success, and are presented as if self-esteem and reputation depend on achieving them. But the higher the societal demands, the more you tend to criticize and push yourself.

As you travel through life and take advantage of the opportunities, you also leave many options unexplored. Most of the time, they are not given much thought and are quickly forgotten. But something happens when you turn thirty. For many people, every opportunity they once gave up creeps back into their minds. If this happens, you tend to think that if you have not done all the “normal” things before the age of thirty, you have done nothing with your life.

Thus begins a 30-year crisis. This crisis is a state of confusion, disorientation and insecurity caused by clashes between social and personal expectations and reality.

Do you have to be “normal”?

Life is a long series of decisions, but these decisions have a great deal of social pressure. No one wants to disappoint important people in their lives, such as parents, siblings or friends. Because of that, it’s easy to become the person everyone else around you wants you to be, without thinking deeply about what you really want in life. However, meeting other people’s expectations does not always feel happy.

Deviating from what your culture considers normal or standard does not mean that your life is a failure. In fact, it may mean that you are creating a life based on what you really want, not on what others want for you. Deviations from the norm, however, do not mean giving up all socially normal goals. You can still have a stable relationship, a regular job, or buy a nice car. It simply means reorganizing priorities into what is very important to you personally.

How social pressure can lead to a 30-year crisis

Getting rid of all social pressure is not the answer. It is impossible. Humans are social beings, and no one lives in complete isolation. But if you are experiencing a 30-year crisis, you need to find a way to deal with it and get out of it. An effective method is to ask yourself why you are so unhappy with your life. Are you afraid that you will never reach your goals or dreams? That you will never meet the expectations of others? Or do you just reflect on what you really want in life? It is about looking in the mirror and finding out your own needs and desires and acting accordingly.

The key is to separate our own thoughts, expectations and values ​​from what we hear from the media or other people. Otherwise, outside pressure can gradually ruin your happiness.

If there is one point that is important to take away from this article, it  is that achieving a happy and fulfilling life is not a result of perfectly meeting societal expectations. Happiness comes from taking control of your life and remembering that sometimes even the best and brightest people encounter roadblocks or get a little lost.

Make your own way

You are the only one responsible for the decisions you make. Social pressure will always be there, reminding you of all the things you should have done by now. However, the key is just to have the right attitude. Remember that it is up to you whether you want to take the conventional route or the road that is less traveled.

Happiness does not come from doing what others expect of you, but from discovering what you really want in life and doing it. Do not look at the lives of others to find out what you want. Instead, take a look in the mirror.

Although a 30-year crisis may force you to look at all the dreams and goals you have not yet achieved, it is also a reminder that there is a lot of life left to live. And if your priorities have changed, you may not even want to pursue those goals anymore. Life is a path of personal decisions, and everyone has the freedom to choose their own path.