You Can Not Choose Your Feelings, But You Can Choose What To Do With Them

Feeling jealous, angry or sad is as natural as breathing. These are emotions that are inherent in human nature, but sometimes we are embarrassed to feel them. Rejecting these feelings, or not knowing how to express them, can make us feel very anxious.

Trying to control your emotions at all times is a losing battle, no matter how hard you try. However, you should be careful about what you do and say when you feel certain emotions. This is your responsibility.

So, you should remember that things will not always go the way you want them to. This will prevent you from getting frustrated, angry or depressed because things are out of control. All this is just a waste of time and energy. You can not control or choose your emotions. But the good news is that you can control what you do with them. Let’s dig a little deeper…

Emotions have an adaptive function

Emotions have a deep message – they tell you that something is happening in your life. And in some cases that something needs your attention. For example, anxiety warns you that something dangerous is nearby. Sadness happens after experiencing a loss that you have to accept has happened. The key is to learn to interpret your feelings so that you know yourself better and you can make conscious choices.

All emotions are useful and therefore you do not have to fight them. On the contrary, you should feel them, understand them and listen to them. Only then will you be able to come up with the right strategies to meet the problems and difficulties that arise.

As you can see, you should not be afraid when you experience negative emotions such as sadness, frustration or jealousy. If you know how to focus on these feelings, they will help you deal with the problem at hand. They will help you grow. That said, if these negative feelings become so intense that you are unable to deal with them, you should seek professional help. A trained professional can help you avoid damaging your relationship and yourself.

In addition, do not forget about positive emotions, where the most powerful is happiness. These types of emotions are adaptive, as long as you express them in a balanced way. The message they carry tells us that we are in a good and auspicious period in our lives. They are messengers of well-being.

How can one self-regulate emotionally?

There is no magic formula for knowing how to experience your emotions. However, it is never good to reject your emotions or try to control them. This leads to altered emotional states that only cause harm. Our desire to be perfect distances us from being real. You are not a robot, nor are you superhuman. You are a person and people feel all kinds of emotions.

As you can see,  when your emotions become too intense or last too long, it is because something is wrong with the way you experience them. Maybe because you’re trying to control something that cannot be controlled. You probably tell yourself that things have to be different, but they will not always be the way you want them to be. And people will not behave according to your values ​​and principles. You should always remember that.

The only thing you have under your control is the way you handle what you feel. To do this, the first thing you need to do is identify it. Then reflect on how you can channel the feeling in a healthier way. Use it to contribute to your personal growth. In other words, practice  emotional responsibility.

So what you experience depends on the situation you are in. Choosing what to do with your emotions is your responsibility, as well as the bridge to emotional well-being. Ultimately, there is not so much choosing what to feel as knowing how to deal with your emotions.